swoooooooooooooooooooooonnnnn

Oh my goodnessss.......

I want to be married SO bad!  I've just come back from a weekend with my best friend and her new Husband.  They've been married about 8 months now, and they seem to be having so much fun.  She was the third of my close friends to get married, and I've had another 2 get married since, and this year I've got another 3 weddings to go to. (that I've been invited to so far).  I realize that this certainly isn't a record number of friends getting married over the span of 2 years, but it's all very new, and I feel like it's coming at me rather fast.  I went from 0 married friends to 10 married friends since my sophomore year in college and I'm just having some adjustment issues.  Spending the weekend with Joelle and Kevin also made me realize how many people THEY know that are or will be married.  It just seems like this fun club that I'm not part of.  I know it's a lot of work, but I also know how great it will be to have someone there to wake up to and to hang out with and spend time with and love forever.  Not only am I not part of this club, but I'm not even in line to get in!  

  

I'm in a very strange period of transition and for the first time in a long time, I don't know what's in store for me.  I'll be leaving K-State at the end of the month.  Literally I'll be here another 29 days. Since I don't have a job, the plan is to move back to Phoenix July 1st.  I'll be moving back in with my mom and dad which is bittersweet.  I love my parents dearly.  They are so fantastic and wonderful and loving and fun and helpful, and we get along beautifully, so I'm not upset about that at all.  What I'm upset about is how disappointed I am that I won't be moving into my own place.  I've really gotten used to my own space and independence.  I also really enjoy designing and colors and decorating, and I was REALLY looking forward to having a new space for me to do with what I want.  I've never lived in a place where I have a personal kitchen or dining room, and I was excited to do some cooking for myself and get kitchen and dining equipment.  Now, not only do I not get to buy new things for myself, but I have to figure out what to do with the things I already own!  it's very depressing.  haha.  

So my current situation in life is this:

-no man

-no job

-no home

-no fun.

Someone please find me a man!

Hello Again!

It's been a while since my last post. but a Lot has been going on.  My parents came to town for graduation 2 weeks ago and that was a blast.  I really miss them, so having them all to myself for 6 days straight was awesome.  I really needed some quality mom and daddy time.  After that school ended, so I was busy closing buildings, turning in assignments, catching up on final work stuff.  THEN came NACURH!  NACURH is the National Association of College and University Residence Halls.  They just had the national conference at my alma mater, the University of Arizona in Tucson, and I got to go!  It was a last minute thing, but one of the other advisors for the group had to go home unexpectedly, so I got to fill in.  It was so much fun, and I was delighted to show the K-State kids my school and a bit of the city and stuff.  The best part was getting to see some friends of mine who have scattered across the country since We last went to school together.  Justin, Meredith, Ty, Craig, Brett, James, etc.  LOTS of fun people!

Now I'm back at K-State and I'm in my usual post-Arizona funk.  I should be out of it just in time to head to Saint Louis this weekend.  No, I'm not looking forward to spending 6 hours in a car, but I am looking forward to Auditioning for Disney!  I'm so excited about it I could burst!  but I won't. = )

Summer's coming!

So, I work and live in a scholarship/leadership house at K-State.  It's a cute little house with not a whole lot to it in terms of coolness.  It's like a sorority without all the fluffy, nice, elegance.  It' s much more like a residence hall in that sense. 

However!  I've made it my personal mission to make a nice backyard for the house and i've been working on these plans for about a year now.  Recently, my voice was heard and the Director of facilities for Housing and Dining Services has built me a BEAUTIFUL back patio!  They've extended what was a 12 by 36 foot concrete patch outside our backdoor, and added an additional 12x36 ft brick patio, along with above ground flower boxes filled with pretty little purple and yellow pansies.  There's a 6 foot privacy fence (cedar colored) to the north of the patio to shield us from the wonder that is the TKE house.  At the edge of the brick there's a little landscaped area that has 4 little evergreen trees, 3 boulders, and various little plants to complete the edge of the property.  The house also bought 3 lounge chairs and a "double glider" which is basically a rocking love-seat of sorts.  I bought a few strands of white paper lanterns to hang across the fence and they really take the patio from nice to awesome!  I think my favorite part of the patio is the built in grill!  They built a little stand thing that matches the rock they used to build the flower beds, and put a drop-in grill on top of it for us to be able to bbq out here!  We're also getting like 3-4 square picnic tables with enough seating for 8 at each table.  

The girls and I have been eating meals out here for the past few days since the weather has been so nice.  I seriously can't wait for my birthday cause I plan on having a big blowout BBQ for my party in June.  It's going to be so much fun.

After our softball game tonight a bunch of us came out here and had popsicles and ice cream sundaes.  There are boys out here now, so I think I'm gonna go inside.  Also, I'm thinking another perk of this fantastic new hangout place will be the fact that people will be hanging out out here now, and not in the living room on the other side of a wall from my bed! = )

YAYAYAYAYAYAYYY!

All I need in life is a T-Shirt and a Diet Coke

Hey world!

It's Tuesday afternoon and a lot of things are happening today!

*It is SUNNY! HOLLA! for the first time in what seems like weeks I don't feel like I'm going to freeze to death.
*Ballet was canceled cause Instructor was sick. Went with some girls to get coffee instead. That was lovely.
*Modern 2... that's all!
*Wearing a dress made from my Dad's old T-shirt. I'm in love with it, and it feels like my dad is here with me a little bit, so that makes me happy.
*Came to the Women's Center for Work, and found an Easter Basket waiting for me on the table! Once again, validating how much I enjoy working here.

Now something that might be a little yucky... I have to meet with a professor this afternoon. She's my advisor as well, so We'll be chatting about school stuff, which is never fun. But I'm seriously hoping this meeting will settle my heart about some of the stuff that's going on with me this semester.

After that I make a quick stop at the housing office to drop off some paperwork, and then I get to go home and get ready for the Celebrity Bowls Auction tonight!

The Strecker-Nelson Gallery in Manhattan is hosting an auction for the Women's Center, and people will bid on these amazing bowls made by local artists to benefit Charities that fight local hunger. It's a really great cause, and I'm excited to get dressed up, and have free wine, and see pretty art. I don't have a date, Sadly... but I'm sure I'll have fun anyway. Who doesn't love getting dressed up and drinking wine?!

That's about it for today... Note to self- yogurt frozen, is not the same as frozen yogurt. Got it.

I wish I were a mermaid...

This weekend was pretty good.  

I took a lot of time and finally organized my clothes.  After purchasing another 30 hangers and a new set of drawers, I STILL have a laundry b

asket full of hoodies and sweatpants.  I mean REALLY?!?!  I filled my closet which now hold 120 hangers worth of clothes (including doubling-up skirts on hangers).  I have a set of plastic dresser drawers in my closet also--filled.  I have a tall chest of 4 drawers ALL full, and I purchased a new set of 3 plastic dresser drawers... yep, FULL!  I literally have no idea what to do with the basket of hoodies.  I had an extra stack of t-shirts, and I just stuck them next to craft boxes in my closet.  ahh!

I usually spend a good portion of the winter months pining for summer (or at least summer weather) but I think it's worse this year than usual.  Once it gets consistently warm here in Kansas, I'll be able to pack up my sweaters and free-up some hangers in the closet.  I might just invest in some of those "under the bed" storage boxes, and put hoodies in there for permanent storage.  Is it a bad thing if I make a decision about where to work next year based on closet size?  

Ohh next year...  I can't help but be anxious.  With every passing minute I get more and more worried about where I'll end up and what I'll be doing.  Every minute I don't hear from a school, I get more and more excited about the idea of living with my family (or near them anyway) and working for some fabulous retailer like Louis Vuitton, Lacoste, or Kate Spade.  I feel lazy and unmotivated when I think about just taking next year off, but I'm also so self-loathing at the moment, that I can't imagine waiting around for

 one more moment.  Ughhh...

I'm hoping this week will be better than usual.  I'm going to take some strides to make sure that happens.  I will let you know how it goes.

:::Sigh::: I wish I were a Mermaid.

Excited for Saturday

Hello World!

Today is Saturday, and I'm excited about that for several reasons:

1- no work.

2- it's sunny

3- I have productive plans for myself!

I've decided to go on a long run this morning.  I haven't kept up with my running training since spring break, and I really don't like it.  Unfortunately I don't have much choice since things are SO busy around here lately.  So, I'm taking advantage of today's opportunity to restart things!  

Also, Brendan has a friend in town and they're going to the K-State baseball game this afternoon, so I think I'll join them and watch the Cats beat up on Texas A&M.  I'm excited about this because I've never been to a KSU game before, and once again it's sunny and outdoors, etc.

I started cleaning my apartment last night for the first time in weeks!  It's always a major undertaking when I do this because I have SO much stuff on the floors, but I always feel amazing once it's all done.  I'll probably have to go buy more hangers to accommodate all my clothes, but i've decided that I'm not allowed to leave piles of things in the bedroom any more.  I need to put everything I own away.  This will be quite the task, but I'm ready to accept the challenge.  Also on my organizing/cleaning kick, I've decided that I need some kind of system for my headbands.  I've collected many really cute, delicate headbands recently, but I don't have a good system for how to keep them neat, and off the dresser.  Thoughts?  I think it'd be fun to get a fake mannequin head to put them on but that might be hard to come by.  We'll see.  

Well, I'm going to get myself in gear for this run.  but I'll leave you with a photo that might also be something I do on this lovely Saturday in Manhattan, KS!

Such a good day!

Such a good day!

* Good Hair Day-- Thank you Gisele Bunchen!

* Early morning meeting with Good work people

* I made it into the newspaper-- TWICE!  

-Once in the background of a Spring Dance Picture

-And again, in the forum about my bicycle

* I've been updating twitter like a mad woman, and it's been so much fun!  I've already gotten a recruit under my belt.

* I had a pretty productive day (work wise)

* had a fun conversation with a girl at work for the first time

* made my own handwriting into a FONT!

* The the creme de la creme is the "Night on the Green Carpet--Go Green Fashion Show"!

- I got to wear my Michael Kors Shirt for the first time and looked Fabulous!

- One of the girls in Smurthwaite house WON the show!

* Dancing with the stars was amazing as usual, and my crush on Derek Hough continues on...

* TWO new episodes of "The Hills"-- So many new hair ideas, so little time!

I hope your day was as good as mine.  = )

-Karen

An afternoon at the Student Union

For my Spring Practicum class I'm working with the Women's Center on campus, and so far I'm loving it!  Today was like the 4th official day that I've done work for them.  Today's tasks have included sitting at the Union Kiosk (a table with Women's center info, buttons, cards, etc.) and smiling at people.  No one (aside from a janitor) has talked to me yet, but I'm hopeful.  I love getting to just sit and watch people go by.  Perhaps in the future, I'll use this time to do work or something, but today I'm just enjoying.  I'm also hoping that there will be a regular crowd on the days that I'm here so I can get to know some new people and have some company.  I'm also hoping that I get to do what the kiosk was intended for and help some young women work through some issues.

okay gotta go!

A little cheese with my Whine...

I'm a complainer. I get that. It's unfortunate for those who take the time to read this that all I ever do is complain though. Whatever. It's not like I actually get to complain in real life so this is how it goes.

Sooooo it seems like this year at K-State is gonna suck balls. I feel so disconnected from the other housing grads that it's a little scary. I really don't know what the next year is gonna be like. Kelly and Craig and Nikki moved away, and I felt like that was the group of people that I could really call whenever to do whatever. I felt like for the most part they shared my same interests and stuff. But the group that's still around is SO different that I can't see myself having any fun with them next year. For example: I LOVE going out. It's just something I enjoy. I love being social and meeting up with friends at bars and dancing and drinking and having a good time. This past year we did a lot of that and it was great. However, the only people that are still around pretty much either don't or won't go out or don't drink. Now, I fully understand that you don't need to drink to have fun, but I'm not going to be the only person drinking when we go out. Because that's weird, and I'm pretty sure it's unhealthy. UGH! So I feel like this next year is going to be a lot of me sitting at home by myself not doing anything with anyone and wishing I was somewhere else.

My relationship with Brett has been getting better and better which is great. We've been getting closer and talking a lot, and I love spending as much time with him as I possibly can. The problem of course is that he's now living in Illinois and I'm still in Kansas. The drive isn't bad- just about 6-7 hours, so it's completely do-able. It's just sucky that I want to be with him physically and I can't because he's no longer just across campus. He's an entire state away.

**I started writing this 2 nights ago, and I'm kind of over it... for the moment anyway!

Frustrations beyond my control

Something I've never been very good with is not being able to control everything. I feel like I've grown past that, until recently.

I've been having "relationship issues" and I'm having some serious trouble handling my emotions at the moment. I really like him, and he really likes me, but he's got a girlfriend. He's not breaking up with her either which is the whole reason for the frustrations. Now, I'm not trying to be manipulative or shady, but I want them to break up! My main problem is that I just don't understand why he's still with someone when he says he's absolutely crazy about me. It doesn't make sense. If you feel the way about someone, like he feels about me, why wouldn't you give it a shot? I suppose I'm frustrated because we'll never really know what it would be like for us to be together. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I want to like, break things off with him, and stop calling and stop seeing him. but I can't! It's not like he's all I think about, but I often see things that remind me of him, or I think of things that I want to tell him, so It's really hard for me to just give it all up. Kelly said she would take his number out of her phone if it were her, but I know that wouldn't work for me. I'd figure it out, and just type his number in every time anyway. I think the worst part is that I know he still likes me, and so I want that attention from him. It's harder for me to give him up because I'm feeling the loss (as Kelly said). And she's right. I get to feel how awful it is to not have him around, but he's not feeling that because he still has another girl.

I just wish I didn't feel so bad.

Why Supervising People Sucks 101

I work in Housing and Residence Life at Kansas State University. For the most part, I love my job. I usually look forward to coming to work and talking with students and supervising student staff. And my students rule.

but it's days like today that make me want to join the circus. I had to fire one (well, three. but we'll focus on one) of my Community Assistants (desk staff) for falling asleep at the desk and then missing a shift. I put her on probation for the falling asleep, and today I let her know that she was no longer working at the desk. It turned my stomach because I saw how upset she was. She felt like people had been "riding her back" all semester, and she feels like she got fired for something that other people do all the time. I tried to assure her that this was not the case, but she wasn't really interested. She pretty much just signed the letter, and stormed out. As she was walking down the hall I heard her yell, "this is bullshit!" I guess I can't blame her for being angry, but what am I supposed to do? I try to be developmental with my students and get them to realize that "yes, this is a convenient and fairly simple job, but it's Still a JOB, and you have to treat it like one." I feel like sometimes it just doesn't make a difference.

This was really hard because I had to fire a girl last semester, and she was totally cool about it. She knew what she had done, and she was willing to accept the consequences. She and I still have a good relationship, and I was thrilled about how my first firing went. This one, however... ugh. I know it will be better for her not to be working at the desk-- she's super busy, and bogged down with school, ROTC, and other responsibilities. but it still sucks, cause I know she's going to hold a grudge.

All this really makes me wish I were a ballerina. Seriously.

Thanks Dad!

With the creation of my Dad's first blog I decided I should update this bad boy. I really don't have a whole lot to report right now. Just your average post-midterm life crisis. I'm once again questioning EVERYTHING in my life. The good news is that since grad school is only 2 years long, I only have one more year until it's time for a new change. This is much better than the previous 4, 3, and 2 that I've gone through before.

I'm considering going back to school for a degree in dance. I know it sounds a little nutty considering I haven't taken dance technique classes in almost a decade, but recently dancing is the only thing that's made me really happy. Maybe it's the fact that it's my own thing, and it separates me from the rest of the "coherd" but it just seems like Maybe I oughta give it a real shot. My mom made the good point that most of my undergrad credits will probably transfer toward another bachelor's if I decide to get another one. AND that I don't have to use the dance degree to be a ballerina, but I can combine it with my Masters in Higher Ed and be like, an academic advisor for a dance department someday. Which actually sounds pretty cool.

I really wish I had a Serious mentor on campus here. I need someone who will just listen to all my crazy thoughts and then help me sort through them, and give me some good insight as to what they think I would do well in.

Ughhh, the real reason I have so many times like this is because I have SO MUCH that I want to do with myself, but I lack either the talent, self-confidence, or motivation to do any of it. Some things I realize will just not happen for me. I will more than likely not be dancing on broadway, or on Dancing with the Stars-- that requires talent. And while I lack that kind of talent, I know I'm not a total spaz, and I can hold a rhythm, and I can learn choreography well. Also, I'm pretty smart. I think I ask good questions, and I write pretty well (if I do say so myself!) However, I'm not a straight A student by any means, and I also tend to find myself easily distracted. For example, I should be working on a presentation right now, but instead-- I'm blogging! This is where the motivation comes in handy. These are things I just don't know how to get. I'm pretty motivated in Dance right now, but again, is that because I really love it, or because I'm bored with the other work I'm supposed to be doing?

The answer to all my questions is: Who knows?!

Thanks a bunch Dad!

France en greve.

This isn't about the greve. This is about me. (go figure)

I'm so homesick it hurts. I miss my family and my home, and the sunshine. Two weeks ago I cringed at the thought of leaving France, and now I can think of nothing I want more than going back to Arizona. I got a letter from my parents yesterday. Turns out it wasn't actually a letter, but invitations to her Air Force Retirement ceremonies. I started crying. I don't think my mom realized how much I was looking foreward to her retirement, because she decided to have it in April, when I will still be in France. I've always been so proud of my mom for being in the Air Force. I would love it when she'd come to my soccer games, or awards ceremonies in her BDUs. I just thought it was really special that my mom was in the military. I wanted to be there when she retired, and got whatever it is you get when you retire, and be there for the dinners, and the pictures, and everything. And because I'm here... I just don't get to. Just like that... nope!

I don't know exactly what's wrong. I'm having exactly the kind of time that I thought I would here. I have great friends. I'm doing well in classes. I travel, and I go out.

Why am I so unhappy?

Well...

I'm not sure what's going on here... But I'll figure it out later.